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14 Feb

He had an affair

Dear Crystal,
I am a 21 years old student I am in love with a guy who is 6 years older than me and working. This is our third year of dating.
Last year, in December, I began receiving calls and texts from a gal telling me to leave him as well as insulting me so badly. He admitted that he had an affair with her and that we were both his girlfriends.
It hurt so much to live such a double life. This has been a long Distance relationship since the start but the last two years were the best moments of my life. We see each other like 3 to 4 times a year.
Everything has changed now; we use to call and chat to each other almost every day but it can be after 3 to 5 days and if we chat only 2 to 3 text. He did tell me it’s over, but the third sms he says I love you or sends a text kiss. We use to chat like 45 sms upward in a day and sound so happy to each other but this is all gone now.
I love him so much but I am real hurt to what he is doing. I sometimes want to forget him and try to move on or give it a break but there is so much of me holding me back.
My life has changed so much; my studies and my entire normal life. I really need help. I know crying is not the solution but this is what comes first whenever I think about him.


Dear Hurt,
It’s so hard to let go of feelings when we’ve been hurt, partly because it’s natural to have those mixed up feelings and the hurt and betrayal, as well as want to naturally cling to what was good in the hopes it could go back to that.
Often, though, it can’t. Now, to be honest, it’s perfectly natural for even a long-term, loving relationship to shift in time from the intense talking, txting all the time to something that is less – even a lot less – while still maintaining that strength of connection and love.
However, from what you write, I think you can tell that this isn’t the case concerning your relationship with this man. Plus the fact he had an affair with someone else while also maintaining a relationship with you, says a lot about him. You say he’s admitted to it, but you don’t mention him saying he’s sorry for it. In other words, I believe you can tell already that it’s best if you let go and move on.
Let yourself grieve, that’s normal, too, and realize it may take a while for the hurt to go away, just as with grieving for any other type of loss.
What will help with that is taking up activities with friends and family who do care about you, and even developing new friendship that are supportive and healthy for you.


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