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01 Dec

I met a boy on the basketball team

Dear Crystal,

I need your help...I met a boy on the basketball team…and I decided that I liked him. We talked for a little and the next day we went to play basketball together and we kissed. He told me that he liked me so much.... then that same day he asked me if I liked him and what I wanted. I did not know what to answer because I was afraid he was playboy, so I told him that time would show what was going to happen. He told me that he has no problem in kissing without compromise...something like that. The next day he was acting kinda weird. I assumed that he was acting like that because I did not tell him that I liked him, so the next day I told him that I was not clear before and that I do like him a lot, and maybe in a future I would want to have something serious with him.


He answered, “But we are just now getting to know each other.” I said, “Yes, but this does not mean that I want to be your girlfriend right now.” We did not see each other for 3 days, after which he told me that he’d been thinking about what I told him, and that he is not interested because he just broke up from a relationship 2 months ago; that he is fine being alone and does not want to have something serious. What should I do?? I don’t know if he does not like me anymore?? Should I talk to him and ask him if we can still be friends and get to know each other? Help me pleaseeeeee.......

Dear Newly Interested,

I’ve read over your letter very carefully and have picked up on a few things. I want to commend you on how well you’ve handled yourself from the start. You have done really well to set boundaries that keep you safe and not allow yourself to be taken advantage of. Keep up the good work! There’s a good chance that he kissed you because he actually thought you might be ‘someone to have fun with’, but doesn’t want a serious relationship – as he’s now told you up front. I give him credit for not pushing you further to do something you might or would totally regret – that shows he respects you. The fact is, when he kissed you, he was probably just wanting a fling, someone to have fun with – and when you let him know you didn’t want just that, but did want to get to know him better and see if it might lead to something serious, that allowed him to know you better – enough to know you don’t want to ‘just play around.’ And that’s a good thing.


Now, it’s your turn. The best thing I can suggest you to do now is just to ease off and ‘be friends,’ without pushing for anything else. In other words, when you see him, talk to him – be friends. If he ever decides he wants anything more, he’ll let you know. At the same time, don’t wait around for him to change his mind. Sure, be friends – but leave yourself open to other friendships, other relationships. You’ve set standards for yourself and never compromise those. Whether it’s’ this young man or someone else in the future, they’ll respect you for that, and most important, you’ll keep your own self-respect, too. You have your whole life ahead of you – and this is all a part of learning as you go. Again, you’re doing great – and stick with it!


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