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The Heart Mail by Crystal

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11 Mar

To the Dentist

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(13 votes)

"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie."

Rodney Dangerfield

08 Mar

Husbands and Wives

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(12 votes)

"The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself."

Voltaire

18 Feb

Everyone Hates Me

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(15 votes)

"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."

Rodney Dangerfield

17 Feb

If Life Gives You Lemons

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(15 votes)

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

Ron White

28 Jan

Communication

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(16 votes)

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

Rodney Dangerfield

13 Jan

Relativity

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(15 votes)

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."

Albert Einstein

27 Dec

I am so clever

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(34 votes)

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."

Oscar Wilde

02 Oct

Heaven and Hell

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(290 votes)

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

Mark Twain

15 Aug

The surest sign of intelligence

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(321 votes)

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."

Bill Watterson

12 Aug

A Woman's Mind

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(275 votes)

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often."

Oliver Herford

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