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09 Jan

Boyfriend or Friends with Benefits

Dear Crystal

Finally, I find someone who can give me advice... This is my story... Right now, I’m here abroad on a call of duty. I have been in a long distance relationship, which has lasted for more than 3 years. He's my childhood sweetheart.I have already met my store family, which is who I’m working with. They're kind and nice to me. Then there is this man who is too gorgeous from head to toe and I can't help but to stare at him most of the time. One night, before I left the store, he approached me and asked if it would be okay for him to invite me for breakfast. Because the next day was my day off, I said okay and he called me, giving his flat number and the time to be there. Of course, I went, expecting breakfast and chatting, which is what happened but, toward the end we had sex twice. Afterwards, on all my days off, he has called me, expecting me to come over and I can’t resist him, even though I know he also has a girlfriend in our country. Am I really into him or is it just the sex thing that connects us? We're civil with each other at work but sometimes he goes out of his way to make me feel somehow special to him, and now we have the same day off. I’m beginning to think that this will always be our routine with each other. The last time we had sex was just the other Sunday, which was the first time we actually slept together after having sex...! What am I going to do now, Crystal? I haven’t been excited about my bf since last month. Because I can’t help him with his financial problems, he hasn’t texted me or chatted with me like we used to. We usually txt or chat after I've left work or before I leave my flat! What should I do? I'm really confused about what is going on with my life...


Thank you!

Please help me, Crystal!

Dear Confused,

As I see it, you’ve really no reason to be confused. After all, you’ve become intimately involved with someone at the store you’re working at. That, in my opinion, nullifies any ongoing relationship you might have had with your childhood sweetheart, from the moment you began the other relationship. In other words, from the moment you accepted a private breakfast invitation with another man at his residence, you pretty much left yourself open to what followed, and it doesn’t sound as if you regret it at all, but continue to enjoy the ‘friendship with benefits’ that’s continuing to go on. You even admit that, although your lover indicates at times that you may be ‘special’ to him, he even has a regular girlfriend himself, who isn’t you. Honestly, can you see that you’re not into him, but just into the sex? I’m pretty sure that’s all it is for him, anyway. There’s the physical attraction for sex and that’s it – you don’t date, you don’t do anything else together.

And now, you’re fretting that your childhood sweetheart boyfriend isn’t txting or chatting like he used to? I think you need to open up your eyes and see things for what they are. You can’t say you care about the boyfriend if you’re regularly having sex with someone else – real, caring, long or lifetime relationships don’t work that way. Plus, there’s a good chance that your ‘sex’ friendship may end up messing up your job as well, sometime in the future. My suggestion would be to break everything up with the man at work – no matter what that takes, just to clear yourself of all the cobwebs you’ve become involved in and get a grip on what you really want for yourself in any relationship. The fun can only last so long, and such fun usually ends up with heartbreak of some kind not too far down the road – at the very least when you go back home. Then, if you want to mend things with your boyfriend, perhaps you can, but only after you clear yourself up. Then again, perhaps you should just let him go and move on, as well.


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